Saturday, October 30, 2010

Head-banging 101

So, I found out my son can't properly bang his head to rock music. In fact, he can't even do the subtle man-nod to rock music.

It's not for a lack of tutelage. I've tried teaching him the art of a well-timed head thrust during a driving rock anthem, but he's not up to the task. The best he can manage is a furious sideways head waggle, as if he thinks his head is a generic can of orange juice for which pre-consumption shaking is vital.

Don't get me wrong; the kid has moves. Crazy Toddler (CT) is like a young Kevin Federline — everything from the Charleston to the macarena. But he if ever wants to look the part in a testerone-laden free-weights workout session, he'll need to develop the head-bang, or at least a variation. Even a slight nod on beat would suffice.

CT has his work cut out for him.


  1. HA! Well, I can't head bang either. At least your kid has other moves. I can move around just fine if there's no music, but if there's music involved I just trip doing the simplest things.

  2. Does it count that he can whip his hair like Willow Smith?

  3. That's a tough one. I can get our little dude to clap along with a good clapping song but the headbangins is not so easy.

  4. You were a COW this week!

    Don't be alarmed.
    This really isn't that big of a deal. :)

  5. I guess practice will make perfect. Maybe he'll surprise you and throw out the Ronnie James Dio horns on you one day.

  6. Jake, this is not your son's problem or fault. It's YOUR fault. Because you are too young to have good taste in music. He just hasn't been properly exposed to anything worthy of a good head-bang, and he's letting you know in the only way he knows how.

    That little head-waggle? It's the toddler's equivalent, of, "Yo Dad. Dude. Help me, here. This MUZAK of yours is stunting my development."

    I mean, let's be serious. What do you consider a rock anthem?

    Your reference to Kevin Federline, alone, tells us everything we need to know about your son's cultural starvation.

    If you do not want him to be retarded forever, with embarassing leanings toward Lady Gaga and Usher, then you have got to do your part to develop his M.I.Q. (music intelligence quotient) through exposure to good rock and roll.

    Have you played the poor deprived kid any Lynrd Skynrd? Has the little fella feasted on the guitar licks of Eddie Van Halen in "Runnin' with the Devil"? How 'bout Angus and "You Shook Me All Night Long"? And a little ZZ Topp never hurt anybody, either.

    If a more extreme therapeutic course seems indicated, I can always suggest Whitesnake, Metallica and Quiet Riot.

    Betchya can't guess who posted to your blog...


Thank you for sharing.