'From Here to Paternity: The Shawn Kemp Story'

"From Here to Paternity: The Shawn Kemp Story" — just one of many sports movies that never should be made.


Here are nine more:


9) "Smoak Floats" — A Texas Rangers phenom ponders the meaning of life atop a life raft in the middle of the ocean after the cruise ship he was vacationing on sinks.

8) "The Crying Game II" — It's about the Clippers. No explanation needed.

7) "Paid in Manhattan" — Rated R for extreme horror to anyone outside New York, this suspense film delves into the inner demons of a group of players who sold their souls and self-respect for, well, money. Eddie Murphy eagerly plays the lead.

6) "Surviving the Maim" — A harrowing journey of one NBA basketball player's seven-game series against Derek Fisher, Ron Artest and the rest of those tricky Lakers.

5)  "The Sum of all Rears" — Four successful professional athletes with ample posteriors — C.C. Sabathia, Prince Fielder, Maurice Jones-Drew and Glen "Big Baby" Davis — crusade against the cruel jokes that have haunted them their entire lives.

4) "Blazing Paddles" — An elite pickle-ball duo strikes back against rampant steroid use and blood doping within their beloved sport, fighting their way to a tense international championship game against a pair of intriguing newcomers, played by Barry Bonds and Floyd Landis.

3) "Never Ben Kissed" — Disgraced NFL quarterback Ben Roethlisberger leaves behind his penchant for partying — joining an exclusive group of monks. Jesse James makes his acting debut as the troubled signal-caller seeking answers in a tumultuous world.

2) "Not in a League of Their Own" — This raucous romp follows the hilarious happenings of the Notre Dame as they transition from distinguished lone wolf to run-of-the-mill Big 10 pup. (At least one good thing will come from conference realignment.)

1) "LeBron With the Wind" — Watch King James go from revered NBA superstar to revered Euroleague superstar as he decides to campaign to become King of England. Sadly, no one tells him it's not an elected position. Even so, he inquires.