- "Army Wives" commercials on Lifetime (I ONLY watch this channel because of the back-to-back "Frasier" reruns that are on every weeknight. Honestly. No, seriously, it's important that you believe me.)
- ESPN radio talk-show host Colin Cowherd
- Baby wipes
First, the packages they're sold in are ridiculous. Unless you have the finger size of an elf, it's impossible to pull out one without grabbing five of its cohorts. Many of my diaper-changing experiences have ended with me chucking the demonic package against the wall -- all the while maintaining a smile, so as not to upset my little one.
Another drawback is that you can't visually tell where one ends another begins. The edge of those things is like some sort of black hole. If a million dollars were riding on whether I could determine how many of those I'm holding at any given time, I'd never get the cash.
Further, I have a big-time aversion to wet paper products. Maybe that makes me a wimp. Regardless, I don't consider holding copious amounts of odd-smelling, soaked napkins a "good time."
Does all this complaining make me a bad dad? Maybe.
Should the CEO of the Scott company watch his back? Absolutely.
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I'm gonna skip over number one and pretend you didn't write it, I agree with number two and a hardy amen brother to number three. My youngest equates having his diaper changed to something worse than water boarding. When he is squirming and screaming and I have to fish out one of the stinkin wipes while keeping him from painting the room with his own mess I curse the wipe makers for their obvious hatred of men. Then the wipe catches the Velcro of the diaper and pulls the diaper around getting that previously mentioned mess back on the baby. I mutter swears under my breath, the kid is screaming so loud the neighbors have CPS on speed dial and my wife is giggling to herself and asking me if I need a hand. Good times!
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